How to Keep Money From Destroying Your Marriage

By Anastasia Taber, CFP®

Money is rarely just about dollars and cents. Beneath the surface, it often represents things like security, autonomy, control, trust, and sometimes even old emotional wounds we haven’t yet healed. So when two people with different money beliefs come together to build a life, it’s no surprise that financial tension can creep in, even in the healthiest relationships.

Research shows that money issues remain one of the top contributors to divorce. But it doesn’t have to be that way. With clarity, the right support, and open-hearted communication, money can shift from being a source of stress to a bridge that brings you closer.

Here’s how to start.

1. Unpack Your Money Stories

Every one of us has a money story. Maybe you grew up in a household where money was always tight and stress-inducing, so now you’re a saver who clings to every penny. Maybe your partner grew up in abundance and sees spending as a way to experience life fully. Neither approach is wrong, but if left unexamined, they can create chaos.

Start by asking each other:

• What did money look like in your home growing up?

• How do you feel when you spend money? When do you save it?

• What beliefs about money did you inherit that you’re ready to let go of?

Understanding the “why” behind your partner’s behavior creates compassion and opens the door to working as a team instead of opponents.

2. Create a Judgment-Free Zone

Many couples fall into the trap of shaming each other over spending habits. “Do you really need another $6 coffee?” can land more like an insult than a question.

Instead of blaming, reframe your conversations. Use curiosity instead of criticism. Replace “Why did you buy that?” with “Can you walk me through your thinking on that purchase?”

When couples feel emotionally safe to talk about money (especially mistakes or fears), they build financial intimacy. And that’s as critical as physical or emotional intimacy.

3. Get on the Same Team

Think of your marriage like a business partnership: if you’re not aligned on goals, systems, and responsibilities, things fall apart.

Schedule regular “money dates” to:

• Review accounts and upcoming expenses

• Talk about short- and long-term goals

• Celebrate progress (even small wins!)

• Adjust any spending or saving as needed

Make it fun. Order takeout, light a candle, pour a glass of wine—whatever sets a relaxed tone. The goal is to normalize money conversations instead of only having them when there’s a problem.

4. Define Roles Based on Strengths, Not Gender or Tradition

Who should manage the money? The one who’s better at it. Period. If one partner is naturally more detail-oriented or financially savvy, let them take the lead with full transparency and joint input.

This doesn’t mean abdicating responsibility; it means co-owning the system while playing to your strengths. Marriage is a team sport.

5. Hire a Neutral Third Party When Needed

If you and your spouse are constantly at odds or can’t seem to agree on financial priorities, it might be time to bring in a neutral, fiduciary financial advisor or financial therapist. Sometimes a third party can help you both zoom out and focus on shared values rather than individual fears.

It’s important to see this not as a sign of failure, but rather a sign that your marriage matters enough to invest in tools that support it.

Align Your Finances, Empower Your Relationship

Money doesn’t have to be the wedge that drives you apart. When couples approach finances as a shared responsibility, communicate openly, and make decisions rooted in their mutual values, money becomes a tool for connection, not conflict.

At TABER Asset Management, we work closely with couples to foster clarity, alignment, and collaboration so both their relationship and their financial future grow stronger.

Looking to build a financial life that reflects your love and long-term goals? Let’s take that step, together. Get started today by scheduling a 15-minute intro phone call online or reaching out to us at 515-557-1860 or invest@taberasset.com. 

About Anastasia

Anastasia Taber is an Associate Advisor and leads the financial planning services division at TABER Asset Management, an independent, fiduciary wealth management firm, in Alexandria, Virginia, that strives to do one thing well: manage their clients’ money by creating wealth, building wealth, growing income, and preserving capital so they can experience financial freedom. Anastasia is a CERTIFIED FINANCIAL PLANNER® and has a Bachelor of Arts in English from Georgetown University. She has years of experience working for one of the largest REITS in the U.S., as well as in property management and accounting at a global law firm in Washington, D.C. Anastasia is passionate about exceeding her clients’ expectations and building caring, long-term relationships based on trust. She is known for being detail-oriented and committed to excellence in her work. Anastasia is a co-host on the Creating Wealth podcast. To learn more about Anastasia, connect with her on LinkedIn.